This is what I wrote today after school to relieve some stress. I figured I'd share it since I haven't posted in a while. It's pretty rough right now. I don't know why, but I'm sure the recent elevation in temp in my room to 90-100 degrees isn't helping.
Why do I feel like so many of my students hate me? Why does it bother me so much when a student tells me that I'm going to get fired because they think I'm unfair? That should make me laugh at how ridiculous that sounds like they have the power to get me fired. It bothers me when my students tell me I'm a bad teacher. They say they haven't learned anything, and it's probably true for some of them but it's not because I'm not teaching. It's because they're refusing to learn. They say that my job is to deal with their behavior and somehow magically lasso everyone into a glittery, confetti filled spectacle of a class. They place no blame on themselves for their failures or consequences they receive. All I get is attitude all day long. Student after student mad at me for some reason and trying to argue with me about writing them up or calling home. They don't want to listen. It's their way or they give up or run away. A student actually said I was lucky that they came to my class today at all after I asked her to put away her headphones and hoodie. HA! Like I would go home and cry if she didn't come to my class. Oh it would really hurt my feelings. All I did was ask her to take her hoodie and headphones off, and I get that back. And I ask the students in a fairly nice way. Much less belittling or angry than other teachers that I hear. I can't teach anymore when I know for a fact that maybe one person in the room is actually listening to me. All the others are either talking or their heads are down. Isn't this supposed to only happen in November? My biology class was chaos today. I only got through half of the lesson I planned. And I spent a long time on it. Even when some kids were interested I had questions coming at me all over (some probably just to throw me off so I couldn't teach) and I couldn't hear people because everyone else thinks its free time when other students ask questions. I just have students interrupt me mid-sentence and they think thats ok! Their question about something totally unrelated is way more important than what I'm teaching like what their grade is or if they can get their make-up work after being absent 5 days in a row or what time my class ends. I give up! I want to give up so much! I just feel spent and I dread knowing that another day with those kids is only a day away. Now I'm losing the first monday of spring break. I don't know how I'm going to survive. Don't worry, I'm being intentionally melodramatic. It makes me feel better.
