So quite a few things have happened since last week. Like I said in my last post, I had been displaced from my current school and I was going to a displaced teachers fair to try to find another place to teach for my second year with Teach for America. I was getting prepared in the beginning of the week to meet with principals on Wednesday. I was even applying outside of the school system to a couple charter schools with the help of friends that already teach there.
Wednesday after school. I've got my suit in my car. I'm making copies of my resume in my principal's office, and I'm ready to go get hired by a good school. My principal comes out of her office to hand me her letter of recommendation for me, and somehow it comes up that I'm certified to teach physics and chemistry. She looks surprised and she says, "Well this changes things. We have an opening for physics and chemistry here, and I didn't know you were certified to teach those subjects."
When I took the necessary tests to be certified to teach physics, I sent a score report to the Department of Education, but apparently they are really slow at adding those qualifications to the online database that principals use to get information on a teacher's licensure/certifications, so my physics certification did not show up. My principal told me to contact our district supervisor to see if they could keep me on as a physics/chem teacher.
Nothing was definitive by the time I arrived at the displaced hiring fair, so I was still in interview mode looking for schools I would want to work at. But the district supervisor told me to bring a copy of my score report and show it to her right away since she would be at the hiring fair. So after I signed up for interview slots, I showed my score report to her and she took me out of the room while grabbing another district official. She asked the other district guy whether they would be able to keep me, and he said it looked like it would work out to him.
Everyone was so excited about it. The district supervisor said, "We've got someone that the school wants, and he wants to be at the school, so we're really happy about it. You want to be at the school, right?" And that's where I felt like the only possibility of me ending up at a better school environment was going to end. I nodded in a kind of unassertive way because I wouldn't necessarily say I "want" to be there other than I know the kids need me there. Like I said earlier, I was kind of looking forward to finding a better place to work and maybe make a greater impact on my students at another school.
So they took me off the displaced list and told me to go home early, and that's what I did. I was relieved in a way because I knew I had a position somewhere, but I still had a lot of questions - questions I still haven't gotten the answer to. My principal told me that I would most likely be teaching chemistry and physics, but she would love for me to still teach biology. So I'm looking at a possible 3 preps (3 different classes to plan for at the same time). I could be getting a new, better science room with more lab space since I would be taking over the physics/chem teacher's room that is leaving. But all these things are still very much up in the air in this school system because teachers will hold onto their positions until the last minute and then quit, and things will shift around. Schedules aren't completed until about a week before school starts back, so I'm left with a lot of uncertainty.
Interestingly, another option opened up the next morning. I mentioned I applied to a couple charter schools when I was still on the displaced list. Thursday morning I got an email back from the school director of one of those charter schools to ask me when I was available for a phone call. I spoke with the school director on the phone and lined up a time when I could come teach a lesson at their school. They seem to be interested in offering me a position to teach 9th grade Biology (and only Biology) for next year.
I am really excited about the prospect of teaching Biology, which I like to teach most out of any science, at a great school that is smaller with better support at every level. And it still serves a similar population of students as the one I teach now.
So now I'm in a much different, but better, position than the one I was in last week. I went from having no choice and just hoping I'd end up somewhere to having the choice where I can teach next year. However, I haven't been officially offered the position at the charter school just yet. I still have to impress them with a sample lesson this week. But if I do end up with that option, I'm having a tough time making up my mind about it. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure I'd be much happier at the charter school. There are many more pros than there are cons. On the other hand, I don't want my decision to be about me and my happiness. I want it to be more about the kids. That's why I started teaching in the first place. I think about the alternative to me teaching at The Wood, and how someone else could really fail those kids. I think about the students I'd like to see grow up a little more next year and go on to do bigger and better things. But I also think about the difficulties I would face there with all the uncertainty about my schedule, the administration, the unknown new executive principal. Reflecting on this past year, I don't know how effective I can be if I'm not happy or hate coming in to school every morning. That's why I think that considering my well-being actually does impact the kids that I end up teaching. I'm still not sure what I'm going to decide if I have to make the decision, but the good news is, I'll be teaching somewhere!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Displacement
I teach my Physics students that displacement is the straight-line distance between two points. After this Friday, another definition of the word displacement was made real to me. I received a call in my classroom toward the end of the day when my students were finishing up their work. "You're needed in the main office. Another teacher is coming to watch your students so you can come down." I felt a little worried about what it could be about. Earlier that day, the stand-in principal interrogated me after hearing from one of my students that I was giving my final a week earlier than the last week of school when the district schedules finals. I convinced her that this was just another exam, and I'm still giving them their final on the scheduled date. (I will give them a "final" test on the prescribed date in the last week of school, but it's going to be something easy since I'm giving their real final the week before because I want my students to see/respond/celebrate their results). I thought maybe she wasn't convinced and wanted to chew me out for breaking a stupid rule. But I quickly found out this wasn't the case.
My supervising assistant principal was in the office with the stand-in executive principal, and they started off with, "You know with the loss of federal funding and the budget cuts the district has made, every school has to severely reduce the number of teachers." I knew what they were talking about, of course. There had been a lot of buzz for the past few months about the coming reductions, but I thought I was immune somehow. I was told that reductions like this happen about every year. Based on projected enrollment for the following year, teachers are kind of shuffled around the district to meet the subject area needs. As a Teach for America teacher that is producing the best results out of any science teacher at the school, I thought I would be one of the last teachers to go. I also thought my 2-yr contract with TFA might keep me at the same school for those 2 yrs at least. I found I was mistaken though when they told me, "Based on seniority, you're being displaced. You'll need to attend the displaced teachers fair next Wednesday to look for a position at another school."
I was kind of caught off guard. A ton of questions began pouring into my head with mixed feelings. Initially, I took it as if I were being fired, and I felt like my principal was telling me that I wasn't good enough and wanted me to go. Even though I was suspicious at the time, she told me that purely based on seniority, they were asked by the district to cut a certain number of teachers per subject area (18 total). And I believe her. I don't think she really wanted to let me go. She's always been very encouraging and impressed with my work this year. However, I can actually see a lot of good that can come out of this for me. There were many points throughout the year where I wished I were somewhere else. I definitely did not have a very pleasant year, and situations at the school only seem to be getting worse. I might be able to take advantage of this opportunity and find a good school where I can be better supported to make a greater impact on students. But the more I've thought about the consequences of my displacement and what it means for my kids at this school, I've felt more sad about missing out on seeing how my students grow next year.
I feel sad that the students at this school might be failed next year by getting a tenured science teacher that doesn't care whether their students go on to do great things as long as they get paid. The two students that I helped get into the St. Thomas Science Scholars Program next year won't have me directly available to guide them to help make their opportunity valuable and beneficial for them, and I won't get to talk to them about their experiences through the program. Even though I've been hard on myself and I know that this year could have been done so much better if I was more experienced, I'm aware now more than ever before that the fact is: the alternative to me is most likely much worse. I'm sad for the students next year that might end up with a paycheck teacher.
I don't really know if they'll be getting any new science teachers though since this isn't really a replacement but a staff reduction. But the other freshman science teacher is voluntarily leaving, so I don't know how they're going to manage that. Supposedly to save money, they are going to reduce the number of teachers at each school according to the projected enrollment for next year. Some will be the first to be hired at other schools where they have openings, but I'm assuming some will not have a position next year since the whole point is to not pay as many teachers. With TFA though, I have other options outside of the district to look into, so I'm not really worried about not being hired. And if I don't, then I'll be a lab tech or work in a hospital. But obviously, while I'm in TFA I want to serve my purpose which is to provide a transformational education for my students.
I'm very confused about this process and why the district does things like this as you may be too reading this. One result of this process is that class sizes across the district are going to sky-rocket from 25 to like 40. Some schools will be affected more than others probably, and my current school will probably get the shaft like it usually has in the past as I've learned. Another consequence I see is the inconsistency among teachers in schools that this upholds within the district. If they do this every year, how are we supposed to foster "small learning communities" that the district is pushing where teachers form relationships with their students and follow them through their 4 years of high school. It keeps different teachers moving in and out, and with a population that my school serves, consistency and continuity are really important for these kids to feel valued because they don't ever have consistency or continuity at home.
I'm not really sure if this happens, but I bet these displacements can also be used by principals to get rid of teachers that they don't want to a certain extent. The movie, Waiting for Superman, called it the "Dance of the Lemons". Since the tenured or professional licensed teachers are pretty much guaranteed a job after being displaced, one school will pass their lemons on to another school and vice versa. But if that's happening at my school, there's a very obvious lemon that teaches down the hall from me that's not being displaced to my knowledge. I think this is one of the most frustrating things. The teacher that passes all his kids no matter the amount of work they do let alone mastering the content; the teacher that is always late in the morning and leaves his students waiting outside his locked classroom door; the teacher that I routinely see roaming the hallways during his class leaving his students unsupervised; this teacher is staying at the school because he has tenure and seniority while I'm leaving.
I'll definitely update when I find out anything about my next placement. I'm hopeful that I can find a better place that I might enjoy a little more. I'm going to a displaced teachers fair this coming Wednesday to interview with principals, so pray that I'll hit it off with the right person and that it'll be a place I can be happier. What's funny is that I think I'm one of maybe 2 or 3 TFA teachers that are being displaced. I was told by other TFA corps members that their principals are under the assumption that TFA teachers can't be displaced. I guess my school isn't under that assumption.
By the way, I mentioned earlier the "stand-in" principal for my school. Let me explain that. My executive principal was basically terminated a couple weeks ago after an incident where she was accused of hitting a girl on the head with a water bottle while trying to break up a fight. Yeah, crazy stuff happens here. So the PE teacher's mother came in to replace her for the time being. So she is the stand-in principal. I have no idea what's going to happen at this school for next year.
My supervising assistant principal was in the office with the stand-in executive principal, and they started off with, "You know with the loss of federal funding and the budget cuts the district has made, every school has to severely reduce the number of teachers." I knew what they were talking about, of course. There had been a lot of buzz for the past few months about the coming reductions, but I thought I was immune somehow. I was told that reductions like this happen about every year. Based on projected enrollment for the following year, teachers are kind of shuffled around the district to meet the subject area needs. As a Teach for America teacher that is producing the best results out of any science teacher at the school, I thought I would be one of the last teachers to go. I also thought my 2-yr contract with TFA might keep me at the same school for those 2 yrs at least. I found I was mistaken though when they told me, "Based on seniority, you're being displaced. You'll need to attend the displaced teachers fair next Wednesday to look for a position at another school."
I was kind of caught off guard. A ton of questions began pouring into my head with mixed feelings. Initially, I took it as if I were being fired, and I felt like my principal was telling me that I wasn't good enough and wanted me to go. Even though I was suspicious at the time, she told me that purely based on seniority, they were asked by the district to cut a certain number of teachers per subject area (18 total). And I believe her. I don't think she really wanted to let me go. She's always been very encouraging and impressed with my work this year. However, I can actually see a lot of good that can come out of this for me. There were many points throughout the year where I wished I were somewhere else. I definitely did not have a very pleasant year, and situations at the school only seem to be getting worse. I might be able to take advantage of this opportunity and find a good school where I can be better supported to make a greater impact on students. But the more I've thought about the consequences of my displacement and what it means for my kids at this school, I've felt more sad about missing out on seeing how my students grow next year.
I feel sad that the students at this school might be failed next year by getting a tenured science teacher that doesn't care whether their students go on to do great things as long as they get paid. The two students that I helped get into the St. Thomas Science Scholars Program next year won't have me directly available to guide them to help make their opportunity valuable and beneficial for them, and I won't get to talk to them about their experiences through the program. Even though I've been hard on myself and I know that this year could have been done so much better if I was more experienced, I'm aware now more than ever before that the fact is: the alternative to me is most likely much worse. I'm sad for the students next year that might end up with a paycheck teacher.
I don't really know if they'll be getting any new science teachers though since this isn't really a replacement but a staff reduction. But the other freshman science teacher is voluntarily leaving, so I don't know how they're going to manage that. Supposedly to save money, they are going to reduce the number of teachers at each school according to the projected enrollment for next year. Some will be the first to be hired at other schools where they have openings, but I'm assuming some will not have a position next year since the whole point is to not pay as many teachers. With TFA though, I have other options outside of the district to look into, so I'm not really worried about not being hired. And if I don't, then I'll be a lab tech or work in a hospital. But obviously, while I'm in TFA I want to serve my purpose which is to provide a transformational education for my students.
I'm very confused about this process and why the district does things like this as you may be too reading this. One result of this process is that class sizes across the district are going to sky-rocket from 25 to like 40. Some schools will be affected more than others probably, and my current school will probably get the shaft like it usually has in the past as I've learned. Another consequence I see is the inconsistency among teachers in schools that this upholds within the district. If they do this every year, how are we supposed to foster "small learning communities" that the district is pushing where teachers form relationships with their students and follow them through their 4 years of high school. It keeps different teachers moving in and out, and with a population that my school serves, consistency and continuity are really important for these kids to feel valued because they don't ever have consistency or continuity at home.
I'm not really sure if this happens, but I bet these displacements can also be used by principals to get rid of teachers that they don't want to a certain extent. The movie, Waiting for Superman, called it the "Dance of the Lemons". Since the tenured or professional licensed teachers are pretty much guaranteed a job after being displaced, one school will pass their lemons on to another school and vice versa. But if that's happening at my school, there's a very obvious lemon that teaches down the hall from me that's not being displaced to my knowledge. I think this is one of the most frustrating things. The teacher that passes all his kids no matter the amount of work they do let alone mastering the content; the teacher that is always late in the morning and leaves his students waiting outside his locked classroom door; the teacher that I routinely see roaming the hallways during his class leaving his students unsupervised; this teacher is staying at the school because he has tenure and seniority while I'm leaving.
I'll definitely update when I find out anything about my next placement. I'm hopeful that I can find a better place that I might enjoy a little more. I'm going to a displaced teachers fair this coming Wednesday to interview with principals, so pray that I'll hit it off with the right person and that it'll be a place I can be happier. What's funny is that I think I'm one of maybe 2 or 3 TFA teachers that are being displaced. I was told by other TFA corps members that their principals are under the assumption that TFA teachers can't be displaced. I guess my school isn't under that assumption.
By the way, I mentioned earlier the "stand-in" principal for my school. Let me explain that. My executive principal was basically terminated a couple weeks ago after an incident where she was accused of hitting a girl on the head with a water bottle while trying to break up a fight. Yeah, crazy stuff happens here. So the PE teacher's mother came in to replace her for the time being. So she is the stand-in principal. I have no idea what's going to happen at this school for next year.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Almost there
It certainly has been much longer than I wanted since my last post. I think this is because the time from my last post until now has been my longest stretch without any kind of break in the school schedule (minus Good Friday) plus it was the final stretch before the big EOC. The past 7 weeks have been very tiresome and a struggle to get through. In fact, as the lack of sleep began to really wear on me last week, I couldn't resist taking a nap in my underwear on the couch when I got home around 4. I was interrupted when my wife came home with an unexpected friend, so I put pants on but just got in bed and slept until 5am the next morning. I'm more rested now, and I only have about 3 more weeks of school left!
So last Thursday my Biology students took their EOC test, and I got mixed feedback about how they think they did. I haven't seen the test, but hopefully results will come in within a couple weeks. I'm fairly optimistic though. They took a predictor test back in March before I had covered all the material and about 68% of my students scored proficient or advanced. This was HUGE to me and my class since last year only 11% scored proficient or advanced on the EOC at my school. I gave them a practice EOC about 2 weeks before their actual test date, and 100% of them scored proficient or advanced! I was really excited about this, and I think that gave my students a lot of confidence. The morning of the test, I gave them cookies that Mrs. K baked and added a personalized note to each student to give them a last bit of encouragement before the test. Many of them said that it was more difficult than the practice test, but everything else that led up to the test makes me confident that we'll be happy with the results.
My other 5 classes of Conceptual Physics do not have an state-made EOC, so I have a little more time with them to get them ready for the final assessment that I've made. With the extra time, I was able to do a really fun lab activity with them. I got equipment over the summer to make 2 liter bottles into bottle rockets and shoot them over 50 feet in the air. We learned about free fall and projectile motion so we could calculate how high each rocket flew in the air. I had the students bring in 2 liter bottles so each student could make a rocket with a partner. I had them make nose cones and wings or fins out of card stock, then we filled them up halfway with water, pumped in some air to build pressure, and let it fly outside. Here's a video my fellow freshman science teacher took during his planning time. I have pictures too, but I guess I shouldn't put them up here since they have the students' faces in them. I upgraded to the iPhone 4 not too long before this, so I was excited to use it.
I was freaking out while I was planning this because I didn't know how the kids would act if I took them outside. I had to come up with all these extra alternate plans if the kids didn't want to cooperate. I contracted other teachers during their planning to hold students that didn't follow expectations and also be extra eyes while I had them outside. Fortunately and surprisingly, I only had to send one kid to another room. The rest of them were not unmanageable because, for the most part, I think most of them were really interested and engaged. They wanted their rocket to go the highest.
These two days were probably the most fun I've had at school. I wish I could do that kind of stuff all the time. And the frustrating part is if I had the resources and knew how to use them to teach, I could probably do way more stuff like that, and my kids and I would have much more fun.
Other good news:
I had two of my biology students apply to the St. Thomas Hospital Science Scholars program where they had to write an essay and I had to write a recommendation a couple months ago, and they both were accepted! They'll get to shadow doctors for six Saturdays next year and participate in lab experiences with other high achieving kids across the region. They even get their own lab coats to wear around the hospital.
I think the challenge for last few weeks of school is to gather enough motivation and get the kids motivated to focus and learn even after taking all their EOC tests last week. It's kind of weird to me that their final test essentially is given almost a month before school lets out. It leaves us with a lot of freedom the month after the test, but I think the students are going to be even less willing to do any kind of work. I'm planning to do more fun things with my biology class like dissections and good science movies, but I'm not finished with my Conceptual Physics classes, so we'll see how that goes. Either way, I can't believe I'm almost done with my 1st year of teaching. I just need to make it until then.
So last Thursday my Biology students took their EOC test, and I got mixed feedback about how they think they did. I haven't seen the test, but hopefully results will come in within a couple weeks. I'm fairly optimistic though. They took a predictor test back in March before I had covered all the material and about 68% of my students scored proficient or advanced. This was HUGE to me and my class since last year only 11% scored proficient or advanced on the EOC at my school. I gave them a practice EOC about 2 weeks before their actual test date, and 100% of them scored proficient or advanced! I was really excited about this, and I think that gave my students a lot of confidence. The morning of the test, I gave them cookies that Mrs. K baked and added a personalized note to each student to give them a last bit of encouragement before the test. Many of them said that it was more difficult than the practice test, but everything else that led up to the test makes me confident that we'll be happy with the results.
My other 5 classes of Conceptual Physics do not have an state-made EOC, so I have a little more time with them to get them ready for the final assessment that I've made. With the extra time, I was able to do a really fun lab activity with them. I got equipment over the summer to make 2 liter bottles into bottle rockets and shoot them over 50 feet in the air. We learned about free fall and projectile motion so we could calculate how high each rocket flew in the air. I had the students bring in 2 liter bottles so each student could make a rocket with a partner. I had them make nose cones and wings or fins out of card stock, then we filled them up halfway with water, pumped in some air to build pressure, and let it fly outside. Here's a video my fellow freshman science teacher took during his planning time. I have pictures too, but I guess I shouldn't put them up here since they have the students' faces in them. I upgraded to the iPhone 4 not too long before this, so I was excited to use it.
I was freaking out while I was planning this because I didn't know how the kids would act if I took them outside. I had to come up with all these extra alternate plans if the kids didn't want to cooperate. I contracted other teachers during their planning to hold students that didn't follow expectations and also be extra eyes while I had them outside. Fortunately and surprisingly, I only had to send one kid to another room. The rest of them were not unmanageable because, for the most part, I think most of them were really interested and engaged. They wanted their rocket to go the highest.
These two days were probably the most fun I've had at school. I wish I could do that kind of stuff all the time. And the frustrating part is if I had the resources and knew how to use them to teach, I could probably do way more stuff like that, and my kids and I would have much more fun.
Other good news:
I had two of my biology students apply to the St. Thomas Hospital Science Scholars program where they had to write an essay and I had to write a recommendation a couple months ago, and they both were accepted! They'll get to shadow doctors for six Saturdays next year and participate in lab experiences with other high achieving kids across the region. They even get their own lab coats to wear around the hospital.
I think the challenge for last few weeks of school is to gather enough motivation and get the kids motivated to focus and learn even after taking all their EOC tests last week. It's kind of weird to me that their final test essentially is given almost a month before school lets out. It leaves us with a lot of freedom the month after the test, but I think the students are going to be even less willing to do any kind of work. I'm planning to do more fun things with my biology class like dissections and good science movies, but I'm not finished with my Conceptual Physics classes, so we'll see how that goes. Either way, I can't believe I'm almost done with my 1st year of teaching. I just need to make it until then.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Harry Potter and the Reasons I Teach
Well Spring Break is slowly coming to an end this weekend :( I think it was a good break though. Mrs. K and I were able to head back to Atlanta and see family and friends for a few days even though our primary reason for being there was for her great aunt's funeral. But since we got back to Nashville Wednesday morning, I've felt like the days have slipped by. Although, I've been enjoying my time off not doing anything work-related. I've been reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire which was next in line since I started reading the series over Thanksgiving break. I just need to finish it now so I can start getting some work done! I'd like to be somewhat productive before school starts back so this next week can be a little more bearable. If I can get ahead by planning a few lessons and getting some grading done, then it'll be a little easier to get out of bed Monday morning.
I was having a rough couple of weeks around the time of my last post, but I'd like to share an encouraging moment that helped lift my spirits and get me to spring break. On March 3, the freshman academy of our high school held a parent meeting to inform parents about things they need to know as well as show and tell a little about what has been going on in their kids' classrooms. So we had a student of ours stand up and talk to all the parents about what he's been learning and doing in his classes. When he finished speaking about my class (his Biology class) I was very impressed with the amount he learned in our previous unit on genetics. He went on and on about the projects we did, and what he learned from them (more than he talked about his other classes, but I shouldn't compare). The other teachers and people who were there were also impressed with his description of my class, and I got a lot of positive feedback from other teachers afterwards. That along with some other blessings God placed in my way helped me see some of the fruits of my labor.
As I approach the last 9 weeks of my first year of teaching (which feels like less with the oh so definitive EOC only 7 weeks away) I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my experience. I guess my reflection is also partly due to the personal statement I need to write for my med school applications. I've been thinking about the reasons I joined TFA, and I realized when I was revisiting college friends that I don't think I message those reasons very well. Instead, most people hear the extremely tough time I'm having and figure my life just sucks right now.
However, I've reminded myself that I chose this suffering. I wasn't totally clueless that this was going to be really hard (even though I think my training could have been a little more honest and less idealistic). And I'm not doing it for the pure social justice of it all. I do this because I'm called to love others, especially the poor and marginalized of our society, along with all other Christians. I believe that my life is not my own, and it brings me great joy to know that my suffering while I serve glorifies God. He has really worked on my heart this year to realize this great joy, and to be satisfied with only serving Him. I feel like this experience has and will be necessary for me to approach my medical career in the same light.
Now is my call to love others in my profession specifically in teaching? I don't think it really matters. But in my opinion, I still feel like my skills and knowledge are best applied in a medical profession. I am very frustrated with the current state of education, and I'm working in a broken system. I'm also frustrated with my seeming lack of ability to make lessons fun and exciting because science is just interesting and exciting to me without any extra bells and whistles. I'm not saying that I won't be frustrated with the broken healthcare system, but which one will I be able to live and work within the best?
Don't get me wrong. I believe in the Teach for America movement. I have been convinced according to the data I've seen that the teacher in front of the classroom is the single most determining factor in a child's education. More determining than the school and the district. So by putting great teachers in poorly achieving schools, this is where the most impact can be made on individual students and on closing the achievement gap. The hope is to one day, have enough of these great teachers to make more great schools because success rate flies through the roof once you have great teachers in great schools. And ultimately, education is the best way to break the cycle of poverty in many of these communities.
The reason I don't think I want to stay teaching is that I don't think I can take the mental and psychological stress that it comes with. I don't find much passion on a daily basis to come up with ways to teach things in the best way for my students. My passion comes from a much deeper love for others and desire to follow God, but it is distant from teaching specifically. I hope that I can pair my passion to follow God with my passion for medicine and healing people to keep me going on a daily basis.
But most importantly, I am completely content with where I am now. My life is honestly very good right now even during school weeks. I have a wonderful wife, two pets, and I have a great church family in a wonderful city.
I'd like to post about discussions I've had recently on the balance or extent Christians should live in community with those in need to love them better while also loving and protecting your family. But I think this post is getting kind of long, so I'll save that for a later post (hopefully soon). I also need to get back and finish this Harry Potter book so I can move on with my life.
I was having a rough couple of weeks around the time of my last post, but I'd like to share an encouraging moment that helped lift my spirits and get me to spring break. On March 3, the freshman academy of our high school held a parent meeting to inform parents about things they need to know as well as show and tell a little about what has been going on in their kids' classrooms. So we had a student of ours stand up and talk to all the parents about what he's been learning and doing in his classes. When he finished speaking about my class (his Biology class) I was very impressed with the amount he learned in our previous unit on genetics. He went on and on about the projects we did, and what he learned from them (more than he talked about his other classes, but I shouldn't compare). The other teachers and people who were there were also impressed with his description of my class, and I got a lot of positive feedback from other teachers afterwards. That along with some other blessings God placed in my way helped me see some of the fruits of my labor.
As I approach the last 9 weeks of my first year of teaching (which feels like less with the oh so definitive EOC only 7 weeks away) I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my experience. I guess my reflection is also partly due to the personal statement I need to write for my med school applications. I've been thinking about the reasons I joined TFA, and I realized when I was revisiting college friends that I don't think I message those reasons very well. Instead, most people hear the extremely tough time I'm having and figure my life just sucks right now.
However, I've reminded myself that I chose this suffering. I wasn't totally clueless that this was going to be really hard (even though I think my training could have been a little more honest and less idealistic). And I'm not doing it for the pure social justice of it all. I do this because I'm called to love others, especially the poor and marginalized of our society, along with all other Christians. I believe that my life is not my own, and it brings me great joy to know that my suffering while I serve glorifies God. He has really worked on my heart this year to realize this great joy, and to be satisfied with only serving Him. I feel like this experience has and will be necessary for me to approach my medical career in the same light.
Now is my call to love others in my profession specifically in teaching? I don't think it really matters. But in my opinion, I still feel like my skills and knowledge are best applied in a medical profession. I am very frustrated with the current state of education, and I'm working in a broken system. I'm also frustrated with my seeming lack of ability to make lessons fun and exciting because science is just interesting and exciting to me without any extra bells and whistles. I'm not saying that I won't be frustrated with the broken healthcare system, but which one will I be able to live and work within the best?
Don't get me wrong. I believe in the Teach for America movement. I have been convinced according to the data I've seen that the teacher in front of the classroom is the single most determining factor in a child's education. More determining than the school and the district. So by putting great teachers in poorly achieving schools, this is where the most impact can be made on individual students and on closing the achievement gap. The hope is to one day, have enough of these great teachers to make more great schools because success rate flies through the roof once you have great teachers in great schools. And ultimately, education is the best way to break the cycle of poverty in many of these communities.
The reason I don't think I want to stay teaching is that I don't think I can take the mental and psychological stress that it comes with. I don't find much passion on a daily basis to come up with ways to teach things in the best way for my students. My passion comes from a much deeper love for others and desire to follow God, but it is distant from teaching specifically. I hope that I can pair my passion to follow God with my passion for medicine and healing people to keep me going on a daily basis.
But most importantly, I am completely content with where I am now. My life is honestly very good right now even during school weeks. I have a wonderful wife, two pets, and I have a great church family in a wonderful city.
I'd like to post about discussions I've had recently on the balance or extent Christians should live in community with those in need to love them better while also loving and protecting your family. But I think this post is getting kind of long, so I'll save that for a later post (hopefully soon). I also need to get back and finish this Harry Potter book so I can move on with my life.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Today was a mess
This is what I wrote today after school to relieve some stress. I figured I'd share it since I haven't posted in a while. It's pretty rough right now. I don't know why, but I'm sure the recent elevation in temp in my room to 90-100 degrees isn't helping.
Why do I feel like so many of my students hate me? Why does it bother me so much when a student tells me that I'm going to get fired because they think I'm unfair? That should make me laugh at how ridiculous that sounds like they have the power to get me fired. It bothers me when my students tell me I'm a bad teacher. They say they haven't learned anything, and it's probably true for some of them but it's not because I'm not teaching. It's because they're refusing to learn. They say that my job is to deal with their behavior and somehow magically lasso everyone into a glittery, confetti filled spectacle of a class. They place no blame on themselves for their failures or consequences they receive. All I get is attitude all day long. Student after student mad at me for some reason and trying to argue with me about writing them up or calling home. They don't want to listen. It's their way or they give up or run away. A student actually said I was lucky that they came to my class today at all after I asked her to put away her headphones and hoodie. HA! Like I would go home and cry if she didn't come to my class. Oh it would really hurt my feelings. All I did was ask her to take her hoodie and headphones off, and I get that back. And I ask the students in a fairly nice way. Much less belittling or angry than other teachers that I hear. I can't teach anymore when I know for a fact that maybe one person in the room is actually listening to me. All the others are either talking or their heads are down. Isn't this supposed to only happen in November? My biology class was chaos today. I only got through half of the lesson I planned. And I spent a long time on it. Even when some kids were interested I had questions coming at me all over (some probably just to throw me off so I couldn't teach) and I couldn't hear people because everyone else thinks its free time when other students ask questions. I just have students interrupt me mid-sentence and they think thats ok! Their question about something totally unrelated is way more important than what I'm teaching like what their grade is or if they can get their make-up work after being absent 5 days in a row or what time my class ends. I give up! I want to give up so much! I just feel spent and I dread knowing that another day with those kids is only a day away. Now I'm losing the first monday of spring break. I don't know how I'm going to survive. Don't worry, I'm being intentionally melodramatic. It makes me feel better.
Why do I feel like so many of my students hate me? Why does it bother me so much when a student tells me that I'm going to get fired because they think I'm unfair? That should make me laugh at how ridiculous that sounds like they have the power to get me fired. It bothers me when my students tell me I'm a bad teacher. They say they haven't learned anything, and it's probably true for some of them but it's not because I'm not teaching. It's because they're refusing to learn. They say that my job is to deal with their behavior and somehow magically lasso everyone into a glittery, confetti filled spectacle of a class. They place no blame on themselves for their failures or consequences they receive. All I get is attitude all day long. Student after student mad at me for some reason and trying to argue with me about writing them up or calling home. They don't want to listen. It's their way or they give up or run away. A student actually said I was lucky that they came to my class today at all after I asked her to put away her headphones and hoodie. HA! Like I would go home and cry if she didn't come to my class. Oh it would really hurt my feelings. All I did was ask her to take her hoodie and headphones off, and I get that back. And I ask the students in a fairly nice way. Much less belittling or angry than other teachers that I hear. I can't teach anymore when I know for a fact that maybe one person in the room is actually listening to me. All the others are either talking or their heads are down. Isn't this supposed to only happen in November? My biology class was chaos today. I only got through half of the lesson I planned. And I spent a long time on it. Even when some kids were interested I had questions coming at me all over (some probably just to throw me off so I couldn't teach) and I couldn't hear people because everyone else thinks its free time when other students ask questions. I just have students interrupt me mid-sentence and they think thats ok! Their question about something totally unrelated is way more important than what I'm teaching like what their grade is or if they can get their make-up work after being absent 5 days in a row or what time my class ends. I give up! I want to give up so much! I just feel spent and I dread knowing that another day with those kids is only a day away. Now I'm losing the first monday of spring break. I don't know how I'm going to survive. Don't worry, I'm being intentionally melodramatic. It makes me feel better.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Our Time
I was just amazed about how much I've learned since joining TFA and working in Nashville. Not just teaching and education knowledge, but knowledge about our country's cultural and social history and the consequences of our past. Ever since desegregation the wealthier white families have moved out of the cities and into the suburbs. There's almost a constant exodus of wealthy white people as more immigrants or black people invade or "pollute" their spaces.
I'm sure I've learned this before, but until now it has not been so real. I haven't experienced first-hand the major consequences of this modern day segregation. What disturbs me the most is that the wealthier white suburbanites are stereotypically the most outspoken Christians. And it's SO un-christian-like to not care for the poor. There's this notion of the American Dream being a state that you can do whatever you want to become successful and just forget about everyone else. If anyone disrupts your way of life, then just avoid them. How can you live your life as if we're not all in this together? We have a responsibility to care for the poor and carry each other's burdens.
This is kind of funny coming from me considering my thoughts and sentiments this past month. I've had a total of 9 snow days so far, and except for yesterday my second semester back hasn't been any better than the last. I've even had a lot of thoughts like, "These kids aren't worth my time". I've been frustrated beyond belief with the amount of work I put in just to get it thrown back in my face with an "I don't give a f***!"
It's crazy how much I have to remind myself that their disrespect and utterly disgusting behavior is a product of their situations and environment. At this point in a kid's life, you have to be careful with how much you attribute their behavior to intentional thought and pure malice. In fact, today gives a pretty good example of the type of environment many of my students live in. Some girls were arrested on campus today right after school for fighting. We only found out later that the two girls that "ganged" this other girl were getting a ride back home from one of their moms when the mom turned her car around right outside the school just to escort the girls straight to their target. This parent is essentially on the level of her adolescent children. Can you imagine teenagers raising teenagers? That's these kids' lives.
So if you might not totally agree with what I wrote, take into account who this is coming from. If anyone has been disgusted or appalled by a group of people, I have. I think what's even more frustrating is how long it takes for change. It's very likely that any significant change in my students might not happen until years after I can influence them.
I had a good day today though. Two days ago I was up late and loosing sleep revamping and preparing for the next day's lessons. I had just had an observation meeting with my program director and we came up with a plan to improve my lesson planning and to focus on better student practice. So I was pretty excited about this meiosis modeling activity I got together for my biology class (after shopping for pipe cleaners and cutting up straws), and we were going to demonstrate electric shielding with our cell phones in my conceptual physics class.
Well nothing I could do the following day was going to get my kids to even pay attention. My honors biology students like to laugh at the fact I try to teach them like I do. And my conceptual physics students harbor resentment toward me because most of them say it's too boring. But I have a pretty good guy to talk to that teaches next to my room that I was able to vent to after school, and I was able to let it go. The next day (today) with my B day conceptual physics students went really well, especially compared to yesterday. I was able to get through everything I planned, and I think my students enjoyed it. And I was able to assess each class for what they learned that day. That was one of the improvements I decided to make.
God grant me
The courage to change the things I can
The serenity to accept the things I can't
And the wisdom to discern the difference
I'm sure I've learned this before, but until now it has not been so real. I haven't experienced first-hand the major consequences of this modern day segregation. What disturbs me the most is that the wealthier white suburbanites are stereotypically the most outspoken Christians. And it's SO un-christian-like to not care for the poor. There's this notion of the American Dream being a state that you can do whatever you want to become successful and just forget about everyone else. If anyone disrupts your way of life, then just avoid them. How can you live your life as if we're not all in this together? We have a responsibility to care for the poor and carry each other's burdens.
This is kind of funny coming from me considering my thoughts and sentiments this past month. I've had a total of 9 snow days so far, and except for yesterday my second semester back hasn't been any better than the last. I've even had a lot of thoughts like, "These kids aren't worth my time". I've been frustrated beyond belief with the amount of work I put in just to get it thrown back in my face with an "I don't give a f***!"
It's crazy how much I have to remind myself that their disrespect and utterly disgusting behavior is a product of their situations and environment. At this point in a kid's life, you have to be careful with how much you attribute their behavior to intentional thought and pure malice. In fact, today gives a pretty good example of the type of environment many of my students live in. Some girls were arrested on campus today right after school for fighting. We only found out later that the two girls that "ganged" this other girl were getting a ride back home from one of their moms when the mom turned her car around right outside the school just to escort the girls straight to their target. This parent is essentially on the level of her adolescent children. Can you imagine teenagers raising teenagers? That's these kids' lives.
So if you might not totally agree with what I wrote, take into account who this is coming from. If anyone has been disgusted or appalled by a group of people, I have. I think what's even more frustrating is how long it takes for change. It's very likely that any significant change in my students might not happen until years after I can influence them.
I had a good day today though. Two days ago I was up late and loosing sleep revamping and preparing for the next day's lessons. I had just had an observation meeting with my program director and we came up with a plan to improve my lesson planning and to focus on better student practice. So I was pretty excited about this meiosis modeling activity I got together for my biology class (after shopping for pipe cleaners and cutting up straws), and we were going to demonstrate electric shielding with our cell phones in my conceptual physics class.
Well nothing I could do the following day was going to get my kids to even pay attention. My honors biology students like to laugh at the fact I try to teach them like I do. And my conceptual physics students harbor resentment toward me because most of them say it's too boring. But I have a pretty good guy to talk to that teaches next to my room that I was able to vent to after school, and I was able to let it go. The next day (today) with my B day conceptual physics students went really well, especially compared to yesterday. I was able to get through everything I planned, and I think my students enjoyed it. And I was able to assess each class for what they learned that day. That was one of the improvements I decided to make.
God grant me
The courage to change the things I can
The serenity to accept the things I can't
And the wisdom to discern the difference
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Who needs sleep???
I had a frightening encounter last week when I said to a few random students in the hall: "Yes we was". This was in response to them asking if the other teachers and I were having a meeting. I think this is a sign that I'm regressing. I hope I'm not catching any more bad habits.
Last week was kind of uneventful since we had to make up semester exams because of the snow days before the break. Last Friday was the first official day of the second semester. However, unfortunately for me, it was an A day following A day exams. My plan for the first two days of the 2nd semester was to focus on investment by looking at student data from last semester and reflecting on where we want to go and how to get there. The problem was getting the data all organized the night before right after the tests were given.
So long story short, I ended up spending from about 7pm-4am copying and pasting and reformatting from my excel tracker to a word document that had individual data summaries for all 130 of my students broken down by standard and unit. It was very frustrating at the time not being able to figure out a more efficient method of accomplishing this task and knowing at 1am that it was going to take me the rest of the night to finish.
I laid down at about 4am and kind of went back and forth between awake and crazy hyper dream state (which I'm not sure was better than awake) until 5:15am when I had to get ready for school. I made sure to get a cup of coffee on my way to school, but I think I was in a semi-drunken state for the rest of the day. But having classes and 20+ kids in your classroom has a way of keeping you alert and on it.
I have to say in the end it was worth it because I thought the lesson went pretty successfully. My students and I had a lot of issues to address involving their perception of my class and their behavior/performance, and also some things that I need to change and do differently to better meet them where they are. We had a very open discussion about ways they think I can improve (some constructive and reasonable, others not so much), and I think they seriously reflected on how they really didn't want the class to continue like it has. I think I got them to see how they can change the classroom culture starting our next class period.
We'll see. I need to stay consistent and be persistent.But that was a pretty awful night before Friday. Well now I'm caught up on sleep and I need to get my lesson plans together. Here's hoping for another snow day this week *fingers crossed*!
Last week was kind of uneventful since we had to make up semester exams because of the snow days before the break. Last Friday was the first official day of the second semester. However, unfortunately for me, it was an A day following A day exams. My plan for the first two days of the 2nd semester was to focus on investment by looking at student data from last semester and reflecting on where we want to go and how to get there. The problem was getting the data all organized the night before right after the tests were given.
So long story short, I ended up spending from about 7pm-4am copying and pasting and reformatting from my excel tracker to a word document that had individual data summaries for all 130 of my students broken down by standard and unit. It was very frustrating at the time not being able to figure out a more efficient method of accomplishing this task and knowing at 1am that it was going to take me the rest of the night to finish.
I laid down at about 4am and kind of went back and forth between awake and crazy hyper dream state (which I'm not sure was better than awake) until 5:15am when I had to get ready for school. I made sure to get a cup of coffee on my way to school, but I think I was in a semi-drunken state for the rest of the day. But having classes and 20+ kids in your classroom has a way of keeping you alert and on it.
I have to say in the end it was worth it because I thought the lesson went pretty successfully. My students and I had a lot of issues to address involving their perception of my class and their behavior/performance, and also some things that I need to change and do differently to better meet them where they are. We had a very open discussion about ways they think I can improve (some constructive and reasonable, others not so much), and I think they seriously reflected on how they really didn't want the class to continue like it has. I think I got them to see how they can change the classroom culture starting our next class period.
We'll see. I need to stay consistent and be persistent.But that was a pretty awful night before Friday. Well now I'm caught up on sleep and I need to get my lesson plans together. Here's hoping for another snow day this week *fingers crossed*!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Back to School Part 2
I don't think I want to bog you down with some of the grief and anxiety I've felt lately about enduring another semester... so I won't.
I had a great winter break being able to sit around, play video games, watch football, spend a week with family, and the wife and I even got to start a workout routine over the past 2 weeks (hopefully it'll hold up once work starts back). I was also able to make all my unit plans for biology and conceptual physics for the spring. I wish I worked a little more on making lesson plans for the first couple weeks though to get ahead. Although, this first week is going to be a little off since we had those snow days. Half of my classes will be taking last semester's mid-term, and I'm planning on taking a couple days to create some fresh investment for my class and our goals.
Tomorrow is a professional development day for teachers, which pretty much means I won't be able to do any work in my classroom to get ready for classes tomorrow because I'll be in faculty meetings. But since I don't have any lessons to run tomorrow, I'm enjoying tonight watching some football.
I watched an interesting video I found on TED about changing education paradigms and then I watched another talk by the same guy on the sidebar about the impact our current education system is having on our lives. I encourage you to listen to these. In the second video, the speaker, Ken Robinson, talks about how most people are unhappy with their jobs because it's not what excites them or fuels their passion. I resonated with that, and it kind of made me feel better about my near resentment of my job.
I guess I knew when I accepted and started the job that teaching wasn't my true passion. It's always been medicine or science. I think I've struggled with using that fact as an excuse for not doing as well as I want or not working harder (if that's possible). But I think the fact that teaching is not my true passion contributes to the disenchantment with my work. It's difficult for me to balance that out with enough drive from my belief in the cause and the importance of my work for my students.
Sometimes it makes it easier on me and reduces my stress level to down play the importance of what's at stake, which I realize could be a bad thing if it led me to not care or to put less effort into the job. But I think it makes me put less mental effort on thinking about how much this matters and more on actually doing things. It might seem backwards, but I tell myself things like, "Who cares if I suck?" or "Who cares if I'm so bad they have to fire me?" It sounds outrageously careless, but it helps me do my job by taking the focus off of doing something that matches my theoretical idea of what it should be to actually getting something that works so I can sleep and be alive the next day.
Back to that video I mentioned before about people disliking their jobs, though, I applied for and took this job because I knew there was a need. Not primarily because I had a passion to teach. However, a part of me wants to teach. I've realized more and more that this is one of the greatest if not THE greatest service the world needs right now. I think another thing people should consider when following their passion is how their passion can best serve others. But I know now for me, that teaching is more of a service for me. I hate to say that I'm sticking it out until my commitment is up, but I kind of am. And hopefully on the way I'll be able to get some kids on track to a better future and maybe change some kids' lives.
I just better make sure I get started on my med school essays soon so I can get some big wigs at Vanderbilt to look over them and ensure my entry. I think it would be great to be a doctor and teach younger kids every now and then. Maybe I can work that out later down the road.
In other news, I'm very excited on the football front since my Chicago Bears are the No. 2 seed in the NFC playoffs with a 1st round bye. Plus, Ohio State (my favorite college team) is playing Arkansas this week which promises to be a great game. And hopefully Ohio State can help redeem the pitiful showing by the Big Ten in this year's bowl games.
I had a great winter break being able to sit around, play video games, watch football, spend a week with family, and the wife and I even got to start a workout routine over the past 2 weeks (hopefully it'll hold up once work starts back). I was also able to make all my unit plans for biology and conceptual physics for the spring. I wish I worked a little more on making lesson plans for the first couple weeks though to get ahead. Although, this first week is going to be a little off since we had those snow days. Half of my classes will be taking last semester's mid-term, and I'm planning on taking a couple days to create some fresh investment for my class and our goals.
Tomorrow is a professional development day for teachers, which pretty much means I won't be able to do any work in my classroom to get ready for classes tomorrow because I'll be in faculty meetings. But since I don't have any lessons to run tomorrow, I'm enjoying tonight watching some football.
I watched an interesting video I found on TED about changing education paradigms and then I watched another talk by the same guy on the sidebar about the impact our current education system is having on our lives. I encourage you to listen to these. In the second video, the speaker, Ken Robinson, talks about how most people are unhappy with their jobs because it's not what excites them or fuels their passion. I resonated with that, and it kind of made me feel better about my near resentment of my job.
I guess I knew when I accepted and started the job that teaching wasn't my true passion. It's always been medicine or science. I think I've struggled with using that fact as an excuse for not doing as well as I want or not working harder (if that's possible). But I think the fact that teaching is not my true passion contributes to the disenchantment with my work. It's difficult for me to balance that out with enough drive from my belief in the cause and the importance of my work for my students.
Sometimes it makes it easier on me and reduces my stress level to down play the importance of what's at stake, which I realize could be a bad thing if it led me to not care or to put less effort into the job. But I think it makes me put less mental effort on thinking about how much this matters and more on actually doing things. It might seem backwards, but I tell myself things like, "Who cares if I suck?" or "Who cares if I'm so bad they have to fire me?" It sounds outrageously careless, but it helps me do my job by taking the focus off of doing something that matches my theoretical idea of what it should be to actually getting something that works so I can sleep and be alive the next day.
Back to that video I mentioned before about people disliking their jobs, though, I applied for and took this job because I knew there was a need. Not primarily because I had a passion to teach. However, a part of me wants to teach. I've realized more and more that this is one of the greatest if not THE greatest service the world needs right now. I think another thing people should consider when following their passion is how their passion can best serve others. But I know now for me, that teaching is more of a service for me. I hate to say that I'm sticking it out until my commitment is up, but I kind of am. And hopefully on the way I'll be able to get some kids on track to a better future and maybe change some kids' lives.
I just better make sure I get started on my med school essays soon so I can get some big wigs at Vanderbilt to look over them and ensure my entry. I think it would be great to be a doctor and teach younger kids every now and then. Maybe I can work that out later down the road.
In other news, I'm very excited on the football front since my Chicago Bears are the No. 2 seed in the NFC playoffs with a 1st round bye. Plus, Ohio State (my favorite college team) is playing Arkansas this week which promises to be a great game. And hopefully Ohio State can help redeem the pitiful showing by the Big Ten in this year's bowl games.
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