SNOW DAY!!

I never realized how much teachers probably pray for school to be cancelled when it snows just as much or more than students might. Davidson county was holding out for a few hours while every other county in the state was closed it seemed. But they finally caved. The snow here is pretty legitimate. I think we got 2-3 inches yesterday. Enough to cover the grass. So I'm enjoying my very first snow day as a teacher this morning at Starbucks with hot cocoa while Mrs. K still has class at Vanderbilt from 9-11am. Then we're going to get a gym membership at a place right down the road from our house and go work out. Then hopefully I can play the Wii a little bit today. Great beginning to a great week.

It's semester exam week, and I had to have my exams completed and copied by last Thursday (early deadline = good for me). So this week should be pretty simple. Wednesday and Thursday should be half days unless they change something due to this snow day, and on Friday students are out. And finally, Christmas break for 2 weeks.

I must share a crazy moment that happened in my classroom last week. So I finally got to do the sheep eye dissection with my conceptual physics kids last week. This was a lab that the previous teacher created and left for me as an extension to the optics and light unit. Most of my kids were really excited about it. However, this means razor blades in the hands of 14 and 15 year olds. One student had a minor cut, but really no injuries throughout the 5 different classes. After my first class did the dissection, I misplaced the small box of razor blades! The students had already been dismissed for the day, so I tracked down and interrogated a couple students who always hang around after school. They thought it could be a certain student that apparently snorts or something like that. Well I double-checked where the dissecting pans were, and I found them there. My science coach at the school helped me run the dissection and she put them there. That was the first scare.

The next day of dissections, at the end of my first class, I was taking up all the razor blades and I was missing one. We couldn't find it anywhere, so I thought maybe a student was trying to keep one. I told them no one was leaving until  got it back, and I called a campus security officer (but no one ever came). Of course, instead of helping me look for the razor they just yelled and cussed trying to push me out of the doorway since the bell had rung. Nothing turned up, my next block's students were pounding on the door to get in, and my TFA program director brought a guest with her to come observe me (I told her to wait in the hallway for a second). Well, I couldn't keep them from leaving for long and they all just funneled out of the room, and I let my next block and my PD in. I felt like I was about to pass out with the thought that one of my students had a razor blade from my class. So I tried to keep my cool and just move on to the next class's dissection. About 10 minutes into class, my science coach was rummaging through the trash and she told me she found the razor in the trash! Well that was a relief, but it definitely through me off the rest of the day. That was a pretty crazy day.

My thoughts about teaching and my current state has been kind of muddled and confusing lately. I've been thinking about how I don't think I can be completely healthy if I can't enjoy my multiple interests, and teaching so far hasn't allowed that. In college, I was able to do sports, play my violin, do research, Christian fellowship, and learn new things. I'd really like to figure out how I can find time to help coach the Vanderbilt rowing team next semester, and hopefully I can get my planning together and get ahead to be able to do that. I also need to start volunteering at this clinic to keep my involvement in medicine. I'm starting to worry about getting everything together for applying to med school this summer because I know I won't be able to really think about it after this break until school lets out at the end of May when I need to get my application in. Even though I've already taken the MCAT, I need to get in contact with some people at Vanderbilt to help with my personal statement. I also need to get my recommendations together at Emory, and I'm not even sure if they'll still be current since they're almost 2 years old now.

I'm going to give my students a little gift of candy for Christmas, and I'm going to congratulate my star student in each class this week with a certificate and movie ticket or something. One thing I HAVE to change is doing much more recognizing my high-performing students and encouraging them. I just want them to know that I love them because I don't know if they have anybody in their lives that have ever told them that or if they've ever felt real love. I just watched the movie, Precious, last night and I know there are students in my classroom in very similar family situations as Precious. If you haven't seen the movie, I recommend it. It really captures the dark reality that so many forgotten people that live in poverty experience every day while we (the privileged) consume our lives trying to attain our next point of success. These thoughts give me inspiration towards my work, but I so easily get bogged down by the daily struggles and burdens that lead me to lament my current position. Please pray that the drive from inspiration will win out.

The Positive

I feel kind of regretful about my previous post. The school has been going through some struggles with negativity coming from community members and some teachers regarding the new leadership. And I think for a while the school has been battling a widespread assumption that it is the worst in the city, which you can imagine what that does to the psyche of the students and faculty. A mindset shift needs to occur with the community and more especially with the students because its a lie people have chosen to believe. I believe we have a hard-working principal with a great vision for the school, intelligent students, and there are some great teachers doing great things in their classrooms. The students have been fed this lie and they've given up on their chances for success because they're "stuck" at this school. The negativity in my last post and I'm sure in my attitude the past few weeks hasn't really helped.

I think we have experienced some successes recently. With the added security in the hallways, the negativity was heightened and it got out that students were planning some kind of rebellion/riot on Friday. They were planning to have everyone wearing whatever they want (out of dress code) along with some other nebulous stunts involving eggs. I think the principal decided to make an announcement the day before that the students would be rewarded for getting to class on time and not fighting and they could wear jeans on Friday. We went to a lockdown procedure in the middle of the day, and nothing ended up happening. The principal has been preaching to the students a lot since she has gotten the chance when students who are late to class are taken to the auditorium in a "hall sweep". The students need to know that they have teachers that care for them and work hard every day to make sure that they are given the best opportunities.

I feel like I'm in a tough position here because my job is still overwhelming to me, but I need to be positive and feign some confidence to help improve morale. I have had some successes in my classroom though. I was finally able to check out books to each student this past week and that will make it easier to assign homework. I also reinstated a positive rewards system that I let go back in early October. Recognizing positive behavior is hard for me to focus on during a lesson, but it really improves my management. Plus there's really only one week left until I get 2 weeks for Christmas. The week after this one is like midterm week so most of my classes will be taking exams. I'm also proud that I never took a single sick day off so far and I've been teaching every day. Hopefully over the break I'll be able to make next semester a little less about just surviving and a little more about maximizing my effectiveness. I still feel like education right now is the most important issue for the future success of our country, but I don't know if I would best make an impact as a teacher or if I would help the movement better through some other means.

Disillusionment

Sorry for the huge delay since my last post. So I've made it from my last break (fall break) to the next break. It's nice to know that after Thanksgiving I only have 3 more weeks until Christmas break and I'll be done with an entire semester. I'll be heading home to Atlanta tomorrow for the holiday and hopefully not thinking about teaching for at least a couple days.

A recent change since my last post has been my classroom's temperature. Apparently, the air conditioning system in my room is connected to a district-controlled switch that was turned off three weeks ago. Now this hasn't been a big deal for many of the other classrooms because if you just leave the heat off, it stays fairly cool. However, my room and the two rooms on either side are peculiarly placed in the building so that the sun beats through our windows the minute it rises until it sets. The heat is not on in my room, but by about noon the temperature rises to about 90 degrees when it's full with 25 students. And they made the windows so you can't open them to let any cool air in. This makes learning almost an impossibility. When it has been its worst, I've relocated my classes down the hall to the lecture hall or the library. But those rooms are poor substitutes for a science classroom. Not to say that my classroom is a science classroom either, but it has a bunch of stuff in it that I can't really transport on a day to day basis. So I came up with a research project for my students to do to get them out of my room and into the computer lab or library. They needed to research a wave on the electromagnetic spectrum and create a dodecahedron (12-sided polygon) containing the information. We were able to spend a few class periods doing that.

I was warned this was going to happen eventually, but I didn't know it was going to happen this early. I think since the sun is the reason for the heat, no matter how cold it gets outside it'll still be hot in my room until they turn the air conditioning back on in March. I've gone through everyone I can except the mayor to try to solve my problem, but they won't turn the air back on for the small number of rooms that are having problems. However, I do have my principal's sympathy and she said she would look into tinting my windows or finding another solution like that. In the meantime, I went out and bought two fans and 8 car windshield reflectors to put on my windows. Unfortunately, it maybe makes a 5 degree difference. A waste of money. The teacher next-door to me put up some poster paper with the glossy side facing the sun to reflect some of the light, and his room is a little cooler than mine so that may be the next thing I'll do, but it is still uncomfortably hot in his room. Maybe another 5 degree difference. Imagine a classroom where only about 20% of your students listen to you teach any given day, add in the heat, and you'll have a good idea of my current state.

Sorry for the long rant about my hot room, but it gives a good background to my thoughts and feelings.

I just finished taking a long survey today from TFA (they're huge on surveys by the way), and it got me thinking about some of the ways I thought my training could have been better. I mentioned on the survey that I was inundated with model classrooms during my training which was good because I didn't (and still don't) know a whole lot about what a good classroom should be like. But I don't think they did a good job at exposing us to some of the realities we may face in our first year and then giving us coping strategies to deal with them. I think it would have been beneficial to see more realistic first year teacher classrooms to have a better idea of what we'll have to deal with day in-day out. It's great to see those successful classrooms, but they're totally unrealistic for me right now. I've been told by my assistant principal that I don't have the "with-it-ness" yet, and I agree. It's tough to be an effective manager of a classroom when you can't consistently give out consequences for misbehavior throughout a lesson.

That brings me to my next thought. Every day I become more convinced that I'm teaching at most likely the most challenging school in the district/area. Challenges are expected at very low-performing schools, and extra challenges are expected with new principals. I love the new principal, but she is new to the job. Most recently, the district has mandated extra security to be placed at the school for hall monitoring. If students are not in the classroom when the tardy bell rings, the doors are locked and they're escorted to the auditorium where they're processed for discipline referrals and truancy records. If you ever visited my school before this started, you would be astounded at the number of students in the hallways during class time roaming around knocking on doors, pulling fire alarms, barging into classrooms just to get attention. It has been great to have the extra security to help students get serious about getting to class on time, and I feel like we need more people in the halls permanently to catch kids that skip class. But they'll only be at the school until Christmas break from what I hear. Hopefully, it'll be enough time to create a habit or a routine rather than a reversion back to what it was before the extra security.

The principal held a prayer meeting Saturday morning with community members, parents, and teachers for the school. I didn't really know when it was supposed to happen so I didn't get to go, and it was at 6am anyways so I may not have gone had I known. It seems though that people that have been in the community for a long time are noticing a continuous decline in their youth. There have been more fights and way more referrals this year than ever before. I think the worst part is the general attitude about the school itself amongst the students and the community. I was surprised to hear the opposite of school pride from the students on a daily basis. On a recent field trip, a student yelled out the bus window at a bunch of her fellow students walking on the sidewalk, "Look at those [school name] retards!" They perpetuate their own negative stereotype about their school instead of trying to prove it wrong. They seem to have accepted that they suck because they're at a school that supposedly sucks and the only alternative is to fool around and try not to learn anything, drop out, or try to transfer to another school. I've tried to talk with some students that they are a huge decider of how their school succeeds and that there a lot of great teachers at the school that really care and work hard to try to turn things around, but I only get scoffs and laughs at the thought that there are good things about the school.

On top of that, I've been struggling with my own effectiveness and ability. I knew I would be learning as I go, but I thought I would be better by now. This is where the title of this blog comes in. "Disillusionment" is a phase that most first year teachers go through around October through December where the initial motivations and ideals before the start of the year are challenged, and the teacher struggles with his ability to impact the students. I would probably admit I'm solidly in that phase now. I've been a pretty fast learner in most of the other things I've worked at, but I'm still struggling with the day to day planning for lessons. I've been trying to make my lessons more engaging for my students so they want to come to class more. But I have never been a good planner, and there's something about planning lessons that I don't really like. I think I get the feeling that I'm lost and don't know where to start, and I have a ton of resources floating around but I don't know where to look for the best ones. I generally don't find things like "this is how you should teach this concept and here's an explanation of this activity". Most nights I sit down the night before my lesson and I get this sinking feeling of pressure to get something ready for the next day. I eventually have some ideas, but then realize I don't have the materials or it's too late to run out and get the materials. I usually just fall back on a powerpoint I got from a second year corps member or alum, modify it, and at least these days I have some books to do some problems/activities out of. Because I hate this feeling from planning lessons, I've been putting off or avoiding it by watching TV (especially football) and trying to do anything to relax and de-stress. Part of it I'm sure is the exhaustion I feel at the end of the day too. God has been showing me a lot of my crutches for comfort that I use to try to make me feel better, and I've been trying to rely on them a lot lately. I'm thankful to have my church community and small group to help me see these things. I am sad that the TFA sunday prayer nights have taken a hiatus since early October because everyone has gotten too busy. But hopefully we'll do it again after Thanksgiving.

My confidence in my abilities has not been helped much by the evaluations I've had, which have mostly focused on what I need to do to make my management better and what more I can do. There hasn't been a lot of positive feedback and pats on the back. It doesn't help that I tend to focus on the negatives and don't give myself enough credit.

I've also been distracted by some family troubles since my dad was laid off. I've been worrying about his situation and trying to figure out how I could help. My dad does not take charity easily, so I told him I would buy his TV to help him out some. But he needed a lot more than that. I wan't sure what he was going to do since he hasn't found another job. Thankfully, though, I heard some good news today that a friend of my sister's came up with some money through a church to help him out for now, so praise God for that! I just hope he can find a  job soon. Keep him in your prayers for that.

Talking about prayer requests, I contacted a student's mother a few days back because I noticed she had missed the past 2 weeks of school. So I called just to check what was going on, and if they needed any help from me. I got a call back from her mom today telling me that her car was busted in an accident way out of town, and she's been trying to get in contact with some kind of service agency to help her get back home. So she's been stranded in this place for 2 weeks and hasn't been able to work. She's gotten help from the guidance office, and she told me to keep her in my prayers so that her daughter can get back to school soon.

Pray for my school and my students.

Happy Halloween

Just saw the movie, Waiting for Superman, that I mentioned in a previous post. I went to see it last night and it was pretty insightful. I recommend everyone to see it in theaters if it's showing because you can also go to their website: http://waitingforsuperman.com/action. There you can pledge to see the movie and get a $5 code for another website donorschoose.org that you can donate to a classroom in need.

I would say there were two main points from the documentary. 1.) Data has proven that the most important factor in a child's education is not their school, not their parents, but their teacher. Because tenure is so easy to get these days for teachers (you basically have to survive 3 years or so), there are too many bad teachers that can't get fired which create failing schools. This is mainly blamed on the teacher unions, and the documentary kind of demonizes the unions, but I think they probably need some demonizing. Michelle Rhee, the chancellor of schools in D.C., came up with an alternate idea instead of tenure to pay teachers based on effectiveness up to like $150,000 a year. But the union backfired and the proposition never went to a vote. 2.) This wasn't as explicitly stated in the film, but the other major problem that is related to the previous one is the lack of public awareness of the problem in education and the obvious solution. If more people stood up and took action to demand more effective teachers and a system that would reward good teachers and got rid of bad ones, then the unions may not have as much power to stop the change even though they are the number one source of money for political campaigns in the country.

The movie encouraged me that even though I'm not enjoying my life that much right now, I'm a teacher who cares. And I'm glad my students are in my hands as opposed to someone else's.

The Fall Fest

It was really hard coming back to work this week after the break. There are still days I wish I had either gone to med school or just taken a year off this year. I feel like I deserved a year off too with how hard I worked through high school and college. I even reminisce of the Waffle House grill cook days, but then I remember the pay check. It's just with most other jobs, you get off work and you live your life. I'm having a hard time living my life with my wife even though school is out at 2:05 here. I don't usually leave before 6 because there's grading, calling parents, organizing papers, meetings upon meetings (most not worth the time), and I usually don't get to do much planning  for the next day. I can't get any work done during my planning period, and I usually have some kind of meeting during 2 of 5 planning periods in a week. My goal at the beginning of the break was to have my next unit vision and plan and at least the next week's lessons planned out because when I get home around 7 and eat dinner, I want to go to bed. It is miserable to stay up past 9pm trying to plan your lesson for the next day when you wake up at 5am. I got the unit plan, but I enjoyed my break too much to get the all the lessons done. We'll try again this weekend. Then maybe I can have a better schedule during the week and maybe fit in a workout routine.

I do think I'm being pretty successful in my one biology class. I think most of the kids in there have the "I want" and the "I can" investment in my class. And I made a pretty fun lesson for mitosis yesterday where we all stood in a circle for the cell. Then two people got in the center to be chromosomes. Next, we replicated the chromosomes and added two other people in the center. Then we went through the phases of mitosis with a couple people on either end of the cell acting as centrioles throwing out their yarn "spindle fibers" to the chromosomes and pulling them to one end. And finally we split the cell in two with two chromosomes each. A lot of my biology kids go to a fellow TFA geometry teach after my class, and they told him that they really liked the class and had fun. And I think they learned the process pretty well too. We'll see if they did soon. My science coach was observing during that activity, which was good too. However, my Assistant Principal was evaluating me earlier during that period and we were just taking some notes, so I don't think she was too impressed. I think she hates guided notes from powerpoint. I've been doing that because I got some great resources with a lot of powerpoints and guided notes for the powerpoints. They really speed up getting the huge amount of information out that we have to cover, and my students would have to copy the whole slide if they didn't have guided notes and it takes forever for them to write. She told me that the guided notes are like a book to them and that they're just copying down the words and not internalizing it. Which I guess that may be valid, and if it was the only thing I did with them then I would agree with her. She recommended to me on several occasions to have them outline the chapter in their book before ever discussing the topic with them. I'm not sure if I have time to waste a whole class period on them making an outline from their book. But I'm starting to think she's going to see me as someone who isn't open to criticism or advice if I don't try it. I told her I would next week and see how it goes.

Let's just say for my other five physics sections that it's really difficult to teach these 9th graders physics. Especially since I'm not a very knowledgeable physics teacher. I'm teaching them waves right now with Slinkys and springs, but not many of these kids have that "I want" or "I can". There are a few kids that I think are getting a little more serious about their grade with report cards coming out on Monday. I definitely have many less failing students. I think I might have about 30-40 failing out of the 150 instead of like 70-80.

It was clearly evident how little experience and under-prepared the staff is at my school when we had our Fall Fest celebration for our freshmen. I feel kind of bad myself because I was part of the team that came up with this idea, but I was assigned to take care of kickball. I wasn't the mastermind. We had teachers on specific jobs, but it definitely wasn't thought out well enough. We planned to have it during the last bock of the day on the football field. I had my kickball and things for bases. I was ready to go. I let my students head to the football field because it would have been futile to try to keep them together with me, so I followed behind. My class was the first to show up at the field so I had them sit in the bleachers to wait for the others. There was nothing set up yet. We were planning to have an egg toss, corn hole, cake walk, kickball, football, and a dunk tank. There was no dunk tank, no eggs, no cakes. We had corn hole, a football, and of course the kickball. My class and I were sitting outside for about 10 minutes until another class came. But we still didn't start for a while. Kids were crawling up the announcing booth and jumping off. It was about to be a disaster, but we started playing football and I started the kickball game, and everything kind of got under way except the cake walk, corn hole, egg toss, or dunk tank.

Ah, it's finally the weekend.

Midtown

Disclaimer: this isn't really about my teaching experience. I said I would talk about the church I've been meeting with and being a part of. Mrs. K and I have been going to this place called Midtown Fellowship on 12th Avenue. We were told about it by a friend of a friend, and it's really close to our place. We felt like we really started connecting with people there and God was really speaking to me through the pastor. The first like 4 weeks we were there the new pastor talked a lot about being in transition, and dealing with new changes and sacrifices. We were planning on trying other places, but we liked it there so much we didn't bother.

We have had lunch with some cool people and young married couples our age including a couple really great folks, Joe and Tiff, that just got married and moved here earlier this summer. Tiff is a resident at Vanderbilt med school, and Joe is going to school for airplane mechanics. So they're very fun to be around and have turned out to be great friends. All four of us decided we really wanted to join one of Midtown's small groups, so we added into a group of three other younger married couples and we have loved being a part of that. One of the things I really like about Midtown is that they understand that real fellowship, accountability, and an intentional community like the Acts church is best done in a small group dynamic. So Midtown's plan is to grow by getting smaller. They are a plant church which means that their goal is to reach the larger community of Nashville by planting other congregations of Midtown around the city instead of having one huge church. The small groups are another part of the plan to allow real intentional church to happen with people really sharing their lives together and serving one another. So far we've dedicated each night to one couple sharing their life stories so we can have a better idea of where people are coming from and know more about each other. But eventually, the plan is to study the word or some other book together while intentionally building our community.

I've been learning a lot about Midtown's philosophy and plans by going to their membership class the past 3 Saturdays. Mrs. K and I want to become members of the church, so they have this class that talked about the gospel, community, and service. And then we had dinner with a special long-standing member of the church (or elder) which for us happened to be the founder of the church, who is really cool. We don't get to see him that much since he's at the original location. Our congregation at 12 South is the first plant church and just started last year some time.

We're really excited to be a part of this church, and we're looking forward to really love on the community we live in through it. I really think God is doing something special in Nashville. Apart from the people in TFA, we've met so many people at Midtown that just ended up here, and they can't really tell you why they're here. It's kind of the same with us. We can explain why we're here, but if you told me a year ago that I'd be teaching high school where I'm at now after declining to go to med school... It's a God thing.

...I will give you rest

*sigh of relief*. Fall break for MNPS has finally arrived. It has been 9 amazingly life-changing, super-long weeks, and now I have an entire week to relax, reflect, and plan ahead (pretty much in that order). We had a work day yesterday which meant that there were no students and I didn't have to be there until 8am. So my break kind of started yesterday.

Well it's been 3 weeks since I last posted, and I would have to say that those weeks have been my toughest to get through. It's hard to think back and remember how I was feeling over that 3 weeks because there are new struggles every day, and my emotions have changed so many times. You're kind of forced to brush off everything from the day before so you can have the strength to take on the next day. A huge part of my struggles these past weeks have been a lack of solid planning for my lessons. The past three weekends I've tried to sit down on the weekend to plan the week's lessons, but I've struggled mustering enough motivation to do it when I just want to relax. So this forces me to be very last-minute, and I'm staying up way too late finishing a powerpoint or I'm scurrying around a drug store an hour before my class starts trying to find glucose test strips for a lab I want to do. All that just adds stress on top of everything else. So either staying up too late and losing sleep or frantically trying to get things together before class in the morning has been the story for the past 3 weeks. Miraculously, I've managed to figure something out each day even if I end up buying the wrong glucose test strips that cost $50 (out of my own pocket) so we just walk through the lab without actually doing it and I tell them what they should have seen. My lessons definitely haven't been ideal, and I've had a couple days where I just taught them how to outline a chapter from the book. This is actually something my assistant principal said she wanted me to do, but it's definitely not what is best for the students in my opinion. I resorted to the outline because I didn't have the materials for what I wanted to do.

Last weekend was actually a little better because I was able to plan for three of the four days we had that week. It wouldn't be as difficult if I only taught one subject, but I have to make twice as many lesson plans for biology and conceptual physics. It's not uncommon for teachers to teach more than one subject though. I was able to get all the materials I needed for this project I wanted to do where my students built an insulator, and the insulator that melted the ice the slowest won. I also made their test, and I got all the worksheets and guided notes together for my biology classes. The last day (Thursday) before fall break was pretty easy because report cards are coming out soon, so a lot of kids are concerned about their grades. So I gave some time for my students to see any assignments they're missing and turn in make-up work.

A week ago I was observed by my program director (PD) for TFA, and the day after I was videotaped to help figure out how I can improve my management skills. My PD observed me during that day we were making an outline from the book. I let her know my planning struggles, and it wasn't too bad. I don't think she thinks I suck too much. I met with her a few days ago to reflect where I'm at and what next steps I should take, and I think we came up with a good plan for what I should do over the break. My goals for the next two weeks are to have a better schedule where I can workout at least 3 times a week, help out with the school bowling team twice a week, and schedule specific tutoring time twice a week right after school. Once I have a better idea of what I'm supposed to teach in my conceptual physics class, I will hopefully be able to plan over the weekend. And I'm working on collaborating with some other people I've found that teach conceptual physics at other schools. I really like our support structure in TFA. I feel like I would just be spinning my wheels if I didn't have someone on the outside to help me reflect and set out small specific goals to improve. The videotaping helped too. I was able to see some things I don't give myself enough credit for and some things I could be doing differently.

Two weeks ago was homecoming week. Everyone could dress up for whatever theme it was that day, but I was so consumed by what I had to get done every day that I didn't think to dress up. There weren't that many teachers that dressed up though, so I didn't stand out. The problem with homecoming week was that the students thought they shouldn't have to do any work that week, and all they did was gripe and complain when they were in my class. All I heard was: "This class is BORING". "I hate this class". "You do too much". "You stay doin too much". "I ain't doin this!" Needless to say, I had a lot of problems with my students that week. To compound that problem though, there have been so many faculty absences at my school that there are substitutes everywhere. And a lot of the time even if the teacher left work for them to do, the students refuse to do it and the sub can't/won't control them. They're leaving the class, roaming the halls, doing whatever they want to do. And there aren't enough principals or security around to make them at least stay in class because the principals have been gone to for various reasons. So substitute teachers and sub principals have not been getting the job done lately, and when the students come into my class they are enraged that they have to behave and do their work. I had to write referrals to the principal for half of one of my classes because they all came into class 15 minutes after their lunch was over. I had to throw out two students in one class because one has ADHD and is off his meds (his mother claims she can't afford them and can't get them through any programs) so he's running around the room blowing this whistle. The other has serious problems with authority and blows up every time I tell her to do something or stop talking.

Someone had the "brilliant" idea to have an hour-long pep rally across the street in the football stadium that Friday of homecoming week. There was apparently rumors of a gang fight that was going to happen around that time. The principal came into my classroom and gave my students a speech to tell them that if you go near a fight, you are implicated and will be thrown out of school until having a court hearing. The students were arguing with her and me about why they shouldn't join in a fight if their cousin (which everyone in the school are cousins of one another) is getting ganged on. It made me think how difficult it is to change these kids mindset they've grown up with. Their parents have told them to stick with their family no matter, which isn't a bad thing of itself. But the student's take it to the point that even if their family is involved in evil things they should still stick with them. And if it involves violence, you get them before they get you. I couldn't convince my students otherwise that day, but fortunately nothing happened at the pep rally. The low level of security that was there with the threat of a gang fight was still appalling to me.

That same week I broke up my first real fight. Two tiny girls almost got in a fight and I was holding them back, but this time two guys broke into a fight down the hall in front of another female TFA teacher who teaches right next to me. Granted the guys were pretty small even for high school freshmen. It was pretty nice to let out some energy and get some adrenaline pumping by yanking them off of each other.

Just last Thursday, my school decided to have another hall sweep where they have all teachers lock their doors when the late bell rings and we're not allowed to let any late students in because they get picked up and put in the cafeteria. Well, another TFA teacher who teaches a bunch of the same students I do overheard some kids yell to one of our students that they're gonna search him. So my TFA friend is suspicious and decides to try to discreetly get someone to his class to search this kid. He was thinking he probably has some drugs or something. First problem, after trying to call/email people in the building it takes like a half hour for someone to come to his room. Meanwhile, my friend is going on with his lesson. Finally, when an officer gets there to search the kid, they find a gun in his backpack. He said he was planning on trading it to a kid for an iPod. And the funny thing is that was probably what this kid was planning to do with it because he is that clueless. Second problem, it's crazy to think that a student had a gun on him all day and no one knew about it until the end of the day. At our meeting yesterday, they kind of addressed the situation and gave us a number we should call or text in that situation.

Well, I am very grateful for the break. We're going to Chicago tonight, and I've got tickets for the Bears game tomorrow. I've always wanted to see a Bears game at Soldier Field, and I'm really excited about the deep dish and the hot dogs.

I don't want to leave out everything that's going on with our church and going through the membership process, but we're about to go have lunch with a couple from our small group. I'll fill in that part later.

Waiting for Superman

I knew when I started this blog I wouldn't be very consistent and now you know. Maybe if I get my stuff together sometime soon, I'll update more often. I always think about stuff I'd like to write about in the car on the way home or at school. Then by the time I get home it's already out of my head because I'm thinking about the next day and getting ready for it. Hey, maybe if my readers would comment on my blogs, I would feel more inclined to write more often because I would feel like I actually have a captive audience. At least my little sister let me know she wants to see an update. And my wife is obviously going to read it right after I post it or over my shoulder as I write it. So comment!

I entitled this post "Waiting for Superman" because if you haven't heard about this movie, it's going to be awesome and it's all about what I'm doing now. It's a documentary about the education system in America and how we're failing many of our children, especially those living in generational poverty. I highly recommend you go see it this fall. The trailer is here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKTfaro96dg and the website for the movies is here http://www.waitingforsuperman.com/. At the website, when you buy a ticket, you get a $15 voucher to donate to the classroom of your choice on donorschoose.com. I'm still working on getting my class on there, but I could seriously use some lab resources for my kids. (So don't use the voucher or donate to a classroom until I have mine on there).

I wish I could remember all the craziness of being a 9th grade teacher at The Wood from these past couple of weeks. Maybe I should carry around a tape recorder. One thing I know now is that I have a lot of control over how I feel at the end of the day. Whether the day was good or bad, it's ultimately how I decide to look at it. am I going to focus on the things that went well or the things that didn't? Am I going to celebrate the small successes or worry about the failures? It's easier said than done, but the more I can leave what happens at school AT school and the more I focus on what I'm doing well the better I feel. And the way I feel has a direct impact on how my students feel.

I've made a pretty good friend in Mr. B who teaches the same content right next door to me. He has a taught for a couple years already so he has definitely been there for me to encourage me and tell me I'm "holding my own". He's a good guy, and I like to just bounce stuff off of him (figuratively) if just to clear my head. Other than that, it has been pretty depressing going to some of my staff team meetings. Some teachers have pretty hopeless attitudes about the state of affairs and some talk about leaving and finding a different school, etc., etc. And I don't really blame them. If I was a real teacher and I wasn't in this for the social service aspect, I would totally go for schools that are better organized, well-run with experienced administration, better pay, and better-behaved kids. It's just sad to see this cycle that keeps the staff here so young in terms of experience. This year: new principal, new assistant principals, most teachers have 3 or less years of experience, and I would venture to say there are only a handful that have been teaching here for an extended period of time.

Like most first year teachers I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with all the planning, grading, tracking, getting ready for open house, evaluations by my principal, classes for my teaching license, along with all the random stresses and changes that you have to handle on a daily basis just from the administration. That doesn't even mention the stress of daily life like having my brakes going out on my only car and trying to schedule an appointment to get them fixed that won't involve me leaving it overnight. I am actually going to grade papers that I've been way behind on for the rest of the night. The work never seems to end, and it is so much different than anything I've ever dealt with in school. If I didn't do an assignment or bombed a test, that was on me and I might be able to afford that mistake. If I don't go into work or make really crappy lessons, it not only reflects poorly on me, but I have 150 other human beings that depend on me. Not even on my rowing team was that dependence on my reliability that prominent.

The past 2 weeks at a glance:

• almost had a fight between the 2 tiniest girls in one of my classes, but the principal pulled them out before anything serious happened
• had a girl puke all over my floor after lunch as she ran out to the bathroom 
• a student made a reference to my sex organ (sent him to the principal and made him scoop out the sand that another student poured in one of my sinks)
• gave out progress reports with over half of my students failing miserably (many with less than 50) mainly because they just didn't turn any work in. *Side note: it amazes me that a lot of kids never bring a thing to school (pencil, paper, book bag) and there is no excuse to not have school supplies because even if you have $0 supplies are donated. I even give them supplies. But they always come back with nothing and they're surprised with their grade even though they have never turned in any assignment to me.
• these kids don't do homework. They have gotten so used to their teachers never giving them homework that they are appalled at having more than one class give them homework more than once a week
• I got my conceptual physics books! A class set. Still no biology books.
• It surprised me when I learned that in a Title I school, we aren't allowed to have after-school clubs because we would have to provide transportation. So instead we have club meetings every other Wednesday for 30 min taken out of second block. It's really hard to have a science club and do fun experiments in 30 min. 
• Last weekend, Mrs. K and I went to the state fair. Fun, but much smaller than the GA state fair. I got an awesome facebook profile pic there, and they were selling hot beef sundaes.
• We went to our first community group from our church, and we really love the group of people who are in it. We're hosting this Wednesday.
• We're also hosting the TFA prayer dinner tomorrow! Lots of hosting.
• We can't seem to get to our bowling league at 9pm Tue. nights. I never thought that 9pm would be my bed time. We can post-bowl at a different time though. We just don't get to see the people we play against very often.
• Just saw the movie, Easy A. Very funny, despite the poor Christian stereotyping.
• Cats are still awesome
• And the lab results came back, and you did great!

Until next time. Please send prayers and well-wishes.

Finding New Ways to Measure Success

Hi Family and Friends,

I'm going to try to start a blog partly to help me process some things in this busy time of my life and also to share my experiences with all my friends and family that live hours and hours away. Hopefully I can remember to make regular posts... If you know me, I don't do a whole lot of facebook updates, etc.

For those of you who I haven't spoken to in a long time, let me give you a quick summary.

Mrs. K and I decided to move to "NashVegas", TN so she can start graduate school in biomedical science while I joined the 2010 corps of Teach For America. If you're unfamiliar with Teach For America, go to their website - http://www.teachforamerica.org/what-we-do/. Basically, I've committed to serve a 2-year commitment teaching in a low-income community. Teach For America's approach is all about investing students in Big Goals, making data-driven decisions, having an endless sense of possibility for every student, and relentlessly pursuing results in order to provide not only an excellent education, but a long-lasting transformative education. The goals are lofty and the challenges are great, but it's all in the name of bridging the Achievement Gap and changing the educational inequity that has been our country's education system for decades. For more info on the Achievement Gap, read this article - http://www.edweek.org/ew/issues/achievement-gap/.
I was trained for 5 weeks teaching summer school in Atlanta, and now I'm here right in the middle of it all.

I can't really write about all the crazy details that led up to the beginning of my third week teaching 9th Grade Conceptual Physics (which sounds advanced but it's the lower level 9th grade science course) and Honors Biology. So I'm going to start where I am now and maybe fill in details later.

First thing, I have been so blessed to have a fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ from the '10 Nashville Corps that have met every Sunday night for the past 5 weeks even in the midst of our hectic first weeks of teaching. It has been such a great time of encouragement, prayer, and refocusing for me every week. Mrs. K and I have found a great church near our house as well called Midtown Fellowship, and we've met some friends there too!

One of the things we talked about at our last prayer meeting was one of the many difficulties of being a first-year teacher. We are all driven to be perfectionists for our students (more affectionately, children) because we are beginning to realize what kind of amazing teachers our kids so desperately need to begin to change their life-paths. However, we JUST started, and by no means are we close at having it all together. We agreed that we can't keep beating ourselves up for not being a great teacher yet. It takes time. And in my case, it was making me a more anxious and stressed teacher that was beginning to hate his job. Our friend TJ coined the phrase, "Finding new ways to measure success", which I think is a great way to sum up a remedy for a first-year teacher's sanity. All I can do is give it my best and honor God. And if I can do that, then that is something I can hang my hat on. I trust that eventually it will all come together. And many TFA corps members have been proven successful in their first year. A second-year now at my high school had the highest pass rate for Algebra I test scores out of all the other math teachers at the school. So with support from people like that and many others inside and outside of TFA, I feel like God is really taking care of me and my students.

Just some quick facts to give you a better picture of my situation:

• "The Wood" is the nickname for my high school
• I have no textbooks yet, and I found a used condom in one of the boy's bathroom toilets today. Don't get me wrong. A lot of great changes are happening in TN at the state, district, and school level. I believe in our new principal, but it's definitely going to take some time to make major improvements.
• For those outside of teaching, classroom management (at least as a 1st year teacher) is almost more important than actually teaching the content. So it's definitely not as easy as getting information across to sponge-like minds.
• My Big Goal for my students is for them to become critically-thinking scientists by the end of the year (outside of acing my course). I feel especially equipped to help my students realize this goal after being a critically-thinking scientist in the lab during college.
• TN is doing an A/B schedule so I have all my kids the whole year, three 90 min classes one day and the other three the next day. So that means I am keeping track of about 150 students all at once.
• School is from 7:05-2:05, but my days are more like 5am-5 or 7pm
• Mrs. K and I joined a bowling league on Tuesday nights. Last week I bowled: 189, 206, 220. Not too shabby if I say so myself.
• For my rowing buddies, I have to be honest and confess to not finding the time to workout and stay in shape lately for our alumni race. Hopefully I can get things a little more under control to start that routine because I need it.
• I love every one of the 50-some '10 Nashville Corps members. They're a wonderful bunch.
• Miss everyone back home
• I love being married to my wonderful wife. Don't know how I could do this without her.

Hopefully next time I can talk about some of the delightful future-scientists at The Wood.

MrK